Sorting the Upper East Side: Which Hogwarts Houses the Gossip Girl Characters Belong In
By Alexus Mosley
The Upper East Side, but make it Hogwarts. If the Gossip Girl characters traded Constance Billard uniforms for Hogwarts robes, the Sorting Hat wouldn’t struggle. The Upper East Side runs on power, image, loyalty, and ambition. Basically the same forces that govern Hogwarts house politics.
Here’s where each of our favorite Manhattan socialites would land in the Wizarding World.
Blair Waldorf as Slytherin
Not just sorted into Slytherin, she would run it.
Blair Waldorf doesn’t want influence, but dominion as well. Queenship is the goal, always. Her intelligence isn’t just academic. She is strategic, social, and political.
As an ambitious woman, Slytherin fits Blair perfectly. Blair doesn’t chase power and is extremely calculated. With high social intelligence, she understands hierarchy, optics, and leverage instinctively. Legacy-minded, status, lineage, and reputation matter deeply to her. She’s not evil. Just elite. Slytherin energy at its most polished
Serena van der Woodsen as Gryffindor
Serena lives on instinct, not calculation. She leaps first, reflects later, and somehow survives on charm, luck, and emotional courage. Let’s face it. Serena is brave to the point of recklessness, leads with heart, even when it backfires, values authenticity over strategy, and can’t sustain manipulation long-term
Her Grynffindor gift is her magnetic charm and courage, while her only flaw is impulsiveness. Serena is the lion who doesn’t realize she’s roaring.
Dan Humphrey as Ravenclaw (with Slytherin tendencies)
Dan Humphrey presents as the brooding intellectual outsider. He’s the writer, observer, and the one who believes himself morally above the Upper East Side’s games. On the surface, Ravenclaw seems like the obvious fit due to his thoughtfulness and being both literary and analytical. But Dan’s arc reveals something more complicated beneath the Brooklyn-boy-with-a-conscience persona.
But here’s where Slytherin creeps in: Dan’s strategic social climbing is masked as moral superiority, and his willingness to manipulate narratives to gain access and influence. Dan has an obsession with status while pretending to reject it, and understands that information is leverage.
Chuck Bass as Slytherin
Chuck understands power, leverage, and legacy, and he wants all three. Chuck is ruthlessly ambitious and emotionally guarded. Just like Blair, he is deeply strategic, viewing relationships as negotiations (until growth). His obsession with empire-building is so Slytherin-coded, and let’s not pretend Bart Bass does’t totally give off Luscious Malfoy.
Nate Archibald as Hufflepuff
Yes. And proudly. Nate is loyal to a fault and has a deep sense of fairness. Let’s not forget that he was the only Upper East Sider who never sent a blast to Gossip Girl, so it’s obvious that he values honor over ambition. His Hupplepuff flaws are allowing himself to be used by stronger personalities and avoiding conflict, but he more than makes up for it with moral consistency.
He’s the house everyone underestimates and quietly trusts.
Jenny Humphrey as Ravenclaw (with Slytherin tendencies)
Jenny is a creator, disruptor, and visionary. Hyper-creative and original, her ambition is expressive, not political (at least most of the time). Obsessed with reinvention, she thinks in systems, aesthetics, and futures. But when wounded, she drifts toward Slytherin's sort of survival tactics.
Her Ravenclaw flaw is her tendency to isolate, but her vision makes isolation a gift.
She belongs to the house of ideas, not approval.